Rehearse this

Are these guys serious or what? They want rehearsals in fancy dress! I had to drag my gear out of the car in broad daylight dressed as Nelson. That twat of a keyboard player, Dick Sleight (of hand), kept shouting, “Kiss me Hard-on,” right in the middle of Us and Them. If he does it during the gig, I’ll give him Dark Side of the Moon straight in the kisser. During lunch we discussed names for the band over a curry. I suggested Pillar of Wind on account of it being a Pink Floyd track and the smell emanating from the general direction of Rick Monsoon, the bummer (sorry drummer). By the time Todger Voters(local politician), the bass player, is throwing up in the bog, “It’s vindaloo in the loo time,” shouts Dick, we have decided on Comfortably Dumb as the name. They think it a fitting tribute to one of the great Floyd tracks. I prefer to think of it in terms of the other guitarist, Dan Glamour, who keeps noodling all over my vocals with that multi-million watt amp stack of his. I offer to re-arrange his peddle effects cables. He offers to re-arrange my features. In the interests of band politics, I offer to drink him under the table in the boozer. We end up pissed and comfortably numb and dumb in the pub with all our gear locked in the rehearsal room overnight. That is until Todger hits on the fun idea of breaking in through the skylight. It was going well until he fell through the bloody thing and ended up in the jewelers next door. Burglar alarm. Police. Meat wagon. Fingerprints. Criminal record. Bollocks! No job and now a Criminal Record...