Meet the Band

I started browsing through the band members wanted vacancies for months when this offer of a spot with a Pink Floyd tribute band came up. I don’t sound like Dave Gilmour but you’ve got to start somewhere. I make it to the audition just outside London and my sore throat actually makes me sound like Gilmour. I try to explain that I normally sound like Sting but they are so busy thinking about up and coming studio and tour sessions that they hire me. “Did anyone else audition?” I ask. “Want a coffee from Starbucks?” replies the bass player, Todger Waiters. Is he bonding or avoiding the question. It was later I discover that he’s almost deaf. I thought that duff note at the start of Time was just ring rust. By the time he bought an empty cup of coffee back, I realised he also had Parkinson’s. What next? Oh Jesus. The drummer, Rick Monsoon, suffers from intermittent epilepsy (it helps on some solo parts apparently), the keyboard player, Dick Sleight, is an ex-porn star (always laughs at his own “I’m still playing the organ” joke), and the other guitarist, Dan Glamour, dresses up as a cowboy at weekends and goes looking for Pocahontus in and around The Oracle Shopping Centre in Reading - oh how the shop assistants in the Disney shop must love to see him coming. Not! What am I letting myself in for? In the next installment I’ll be covering rehearsals...

Wam Bam Jam - Birth of a Band

Like a lot of people, the boss spoke to me for the first time the other day. He got my name wrong and then said," You're Fired, er i mean redundant." I left the building in a politically correct state of bemusement and went home to review my finances with my financial advisers: the cat, the dog and Alf my life insurance/pension bloke. Apparently, I have nothing to worry about: it’s only wild animals with valuable skins who tend to meet their end courtesy of a poacher’s incandescent tool up the Khyber. Despite his reassurance, you’ll never see me browsing through the African section of the local Travel Agents. I guess that sense of trepidation makes me boring but I can honestly say I’ve crammed a lot into the past two decades. Perhaps I should be content with the latest of 3 marriages, 12 kids (accumulative total), reasonable income and healthy social life I have, but I still wake up every morning listening for the sound of the starting pistol. On your marks - wake up to the same old Radio 4 news. Get set - hate the same old drive to work. Go - relive the same daily fantasies about a life more meaningful. Why can’t I help but feel as though something profound, meaningful, possibly of earth-shattering consequence is missing? If the world won’t change to meet me half way (what an ego), I will have to change. So here’s the deal: from this moment forward, I’m going to live the life of an overachieving-existentialist; you know: balls-out and bum in the breeze - sometimes both at the same time. For the benefit of posterity, I shall keep detailed notes and digital photographs of this on-going experiment. My hope is that others my feel inspired to throw caution to the wind and discover the joys of running amok through the rest of their lives. The first thing I am going to do is join that band I have been talking about for years... more soon.

You have to question their questionnaire

If you ever have an odd week or two to complete a subscription form, this is the site to turn your brain into mush and have you running out of will to live before you have got anywhere near the end of reaching the first Proceed button at which point you say "Not more".... I can't take any more of this bloody life/questionnaire...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

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DMA Email Marketing Council Blog

News from the front. The collective wisdom of the movers and shakers in the fastest growing communications channel in history.

DMA Email Marketing Council Blog

Quidco - The web's cashback cooperative

Bag yourself a quote on what your affiliate program might cost you.

Quidco - The web's cashback cooperative

Website Optimiser - to boldly go where your website has never gone before

Never mind the split infinitive, if you are looking for a sales hyper-drive button that will help you "go boldly" where you've never gone before, Jean Luke Piccard (Gavin Sinden) recommends a visit to planet Google's Web Optimiser package. It's free... but that doesn't mean it can't help improve engagement on your website.

Website Optimiser

Google Insights for Search - Web Search Volume: compare the market - Worldwide, 2004 - present

Love him/it or hate it, this is on-line branding and response building in a nut shell. Just compare (get it) its performance against the market (get it).


Google Insights for Search - Web Search Volume: compare the market - Worldwide, 2004 - present