Portrait of an ambient artist as an old master

Soho, the land of film makers and porn and, well porn. Just the sort of place Jack the lards of the art world Caravaggio, Rubens and Constable might have gone looking for a 'model' to paint. Hang on a minute what's that hanging around on the corner with all that flesh hanging out. No it's not a hooker working the day shift, it's a masterpiece (a full sized copy, so don't go down there with your mate Stanley). Ambient takes on a new, upper crust twist in the form of original ads for the National Gallery.

The 30 masterpieces have been going about their business in the streets of London - outside pubs, bookies, sex shops (what no urinal?). All I know is that I have never wondered down the back lanes of Soho (on my way to a recording or editing session, I swear) and found myself thinking, "Must go to the National in Trafalgar Square." Until now. If that isn't art I don't know what is. It certainly bought about a change in my emotional status. The incongruity of lusty oil paintings hanging out in the open where the ladies of the night like to hang out, is something I am sure Rubens and co would have approved of, "Want to come up and see my etchin's love?"

Washroom advertising - are they taking the piss?

You drive 250 miles up the motorway. It has been raining all day. It's dark and cold. You stop at the service station and head for the loos. You know where the Men's room is because of the smell of amonia hanging in the air. You take a deep breath, push past the great unwashed (hands) of British manhood. You take your life in your hands (so to speak) and with a sigh of relief let nature take its course. That's when the message on the wall in front of you comes stumbling into your consciousness. "Need to borrow a 4x4?" While I'm having a piss? Are the retarded or something? Come on lads, where's the relevance? Whoever convinced you that your brand and sales objectives work best in a urine soaked atmosphere is clearly taking the piss. Come back to me with the sales figures and prove me wrong or get a decent media buyer to work for you.

Sensational Direct Mail

This mailshot for a landscape gardener stimulates all of the senses: Sight, Sound, Touch, Smell, Taste with a real flower parked on the customer's doorstep. The line reads, "If this is what I can do with junk mail, imagine what I could do with your garden."

You walk out the door. You see the flower. You touch the flower. You smell the flower. You eat (OK you don't want to go that far, but hitting 4 out of 5 senses makes for a sensational impact.

For the budding Buddhist out there, who believe that the mind is the 6th sense, you can imagine what's going through the recipient's head as they bend down to pick up the flower,

"I have an admirer, my wife/husband is going to go mental/for me?" it works. It creates impact and drives word of mouth communication and brings the customer into sensational and emotional contact with your brand. You love it, don't you?

Sensory Mail. I feel you dog.

In a recent article about the convergence of agency disciplines, published in Marketing by Marketing magazine's Richard Abbot, he states,

"Direct marketing continues to be dogged by the 'junk mail' tag, but is nonetheless enjoying tremendous growth as a discipline - so much so that its practitioners are starting to challenge for traditional advertising work. Squeezed marketing budgets, coupled with the unstoppable rise of digital media, has put direct and sales promotion agencies in pole position to reap the benefits. The agency boundaries have never been so blurred."

While I agree with much of Richard's thinking on convergence, I take issue with his reference to 'junk mail'. This view of the customer's take on direct mail is outdated. As he states, mail is enjoying tremendous growth, despite the obvious attentions of the internet, because mail can do somethings digital can't: it can work the senses in a way that makes people take notice. While the internet covers the senses of sight and sound, mail also works the senses of touch, smell and taste. Research from the Royal Mail Info Bank, reveals that mail that stimulates multiple senses can increase awareness, interaction and response rates dramatically.

In support of this new understanding of the use of direct mail, the Royal Mail, in conjunction with the IDM sponsors a range of courses for agency account teams and planners in Sensational Marketing (delivered by Jane Cave and Mike O'Brien from, you guessed it, Jam Partnership). Ask your Royal Mail rep for further information, call 0870 240 0849. Or you can email royalmailmarketing@clientmail.eu.com.

Banking update

They even have a section titled Bank Robbery. What a giveaway.

Thought you might like to know where to complain

Had your marketing budget slashed to the bone? Those nice people that bought you the global meltdown have an association: (The American Bankers Association). Here you will find a place to vent your anger under the headline, "World-Class Solutions, Leadership and Advocacy since 1875."


(Look it's on the web so it has to be true.)

I think they have missed out on a trick or two in the Professional Development section - they should have had a course for all those complete bankers who are thinking of taking early retirement to spend their billions before they go to jail. I think a course entitled "How to pick up your soap in the shower" or "You're not putting that in me bad boy," should do it. Go on, visit the site and vent. You know you want to.

Sorry I thought you said, "Buttocks?"

Trying to get to the bottom (sorry) of what constitutes an illegal ebay ad. Online auction site eBay is removing hundreds of illegal Botox (Oh? Botox) adverts selling discount vouchers and "introduce-a-friend" schemes. The ads included celebrity photos (naughty, naughty) while some claimed to "restore the look of youth and vitality" (Yeah, right have you seen Leslie Ash?)

Which? health campaigner Jenny Driscoll said: "Some of the adverts may lead people to think that having Botox is as easy as getting your nails done, but it's a powerful natural poison (makes you wonder dosen't it) which can have serious side effects.

As professionals working in the communications industry, we have a choice to ensure that what we do is ethical. Perhaps it is easier to say, "No" when you are a senior member of staff in an agency. I worked on beer and fags when is was a teenage copywriter - it was that or hand over my job to any number of writers waiting in the wings. I wish I had taken a stand (I am asthmatic, after all) but family and mortgage commitments make you vulnerable, don't they? No that's just an excuse and it gets you deeper into the mud each time you are the one who says yes to selling crap products and services. We are responsible for our own actions. By not saying, "No" straight off the blocks I started to get all the 'tough' sells dumped on my desk. When I did, eventually say "I'm not working on that!" The powers that be simply moved it on to the next writer. Just. Like. That. Bloody hell.

All I ask is that if you ever see anything that you know needs challenging in the press, on-line, on the radio, on TV: complain, complain complain. That misleading, hyperbolic ad you let pass you by last week is making all our jobs that bit harder to do.

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